Managing The Terror Factor

This came from a friend of mine and I think it is original to, Wild Bill Hoover

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been

re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the

Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have

been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror

alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France

are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent

fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing

the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a

heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from

"Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more

levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"

to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher

levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only

threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish

navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

And in the southern hemisphere...

Australia has raised its security level from "No wurra" to "She'll be

right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think

we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is

canceled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final

escalation level.